i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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