He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
