sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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