yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
