i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
