Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
