Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Randomize
