So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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