She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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