It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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