I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
