Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
