after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
