Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
