Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My ass is underappreciated
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
