I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
