he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
