all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
