I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
