You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
