She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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