so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
