Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
