I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
