I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
