someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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