awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
