Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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