This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
