dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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