I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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