I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
