Tell her she can't have a vagina
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
