how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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