what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
