That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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