I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
