Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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