I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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