i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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