so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
