textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
