I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
