I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
