I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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