I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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