I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
