So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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