I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
