Porn is love you can see.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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