Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
