I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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