My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
