Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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