the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
