Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
