I hate your face
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
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While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
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Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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