I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
