just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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