THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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