he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize