Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.