I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
