Texts From Last Night

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  (239): View more from Florida

  I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.

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  (239): I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix. http://tfl.nu/krua
  Replies (17) Good night (755) Bad night (1764)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower

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  (513): it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower http://tfl.nu/mfse
  Replies (11) Good night (4126) Bad night (777)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?

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  (225): I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty? http://tfl.nu/tsac
  Replies (21) Good night (4606) Bad night (998)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?

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  (616): Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by? http://tfl.nu/1ke1
  Replies (28) Good night (1662) Bad night (7838)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.

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  (901): Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement. http://tfl.nu/kvvh
  Replies (8) Good night (2332) Bad night (1205)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I feel like my teeth are sweating.

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  (970): I feel like my teeth are sweating. http://tfl.nu/98tq
  Replies (9) Good night (1153) Bad night (2102)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday

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  (920): Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday http://tfl.nu/tp2d
  Replies (6) Good night (2870) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  "too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence

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  (631): "too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence http://tfl.nu/grgx
  Replies (14) Good night (2589) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Tell me you're kidding.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.

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  (414): Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet. (920): Tell me you're kidding. (414): Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now. http://tfl.nu/mbei
  Replies (8) Good night (826) Bad night (2784)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.

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  (307): Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse. http://tfl.nu/w9b1
  Replies (2) Good night (1652) Bad night (495)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  So Monday we're lesbians.

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.

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  (717): So Monday we're lesbians. (1-717): Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball. http://tfl.nu/1nin
  Replies (6) Good night (1326) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.

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  (214): I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports. http://tfl.nu/apdh
  Replies (4) Good night (683) Bad night (287)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.

  (256): View more from Alabama

  It's like 10 times better than an Oscar

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  (256): I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award. (256): It's like 10 times better than an Oscar http://tfl.nu/pcc6
  Replies (7) Good night (595) Bad night (275)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo

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  (937): On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo http://tfl.nu/dcwu
  Replies (2) Good night (346) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.

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  (915): Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas. http://tfl.nu/6zv2
  Replies (6) Good night (502) Bad night (278)

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