Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
