Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
