There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i now understand why vodka
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife