Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
