im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
