Walk of Shame. In a state park.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays