I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
