Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
