You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
