Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
