You can't special order awesome
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So here I am, sexting at work.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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