you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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