Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
