were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
