How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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